


My Ex Boyfriend

by thechickenpanda



Category: New Girl, Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M, New Girl au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 22:16:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2708684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thechickenpanda/pseuds/thechickenpanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jo starts dating a new guy (original male character) after her breakup with Dean, she wants to bring him home despite still living with her ex (and Sam, Castiel, and Crowley). To convince him to come home with her, she tells him that her ex-boyfriend is gay.</p><p>*Short, crack-ish AU fluff!*</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Ex Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I always get the motivation to write AUs for one of my fandoms after I watch New Girl... This one has an OC in it, the new boyfriend, mostly because I didn't want to use any of the actual guys for that part. He's not really important anyway.
> 
> I am still working on Around the Wall, as well as a new AU that I haven't put up yet, but here's some short, crack-ish AU fluff to have something else on my account.

Jo entered the kitchen/dinning room/living room combo of the small apartment she shared with four other people. They sat lazily around the table, eating a late lunch, or reading the news. She clapped her hands once to get their attention.  
“Morning, guys.” She said when four sets of eyes looked up to her, though it was hardly morning anymore. Dean, Sam, Castiel, and Crowley all muttered their own less enthusiastic greeting to the blonde. “As you all know,” she went on, “I have been going on dates with Ronald as of late, and tonight is the third date, the night I'd like him to come back here and- you know-”  
“Okay, yeah.” said Sam. “But, is he going to want to be here, you know, with Dean and all?”  
“He-” Jo trailed off nervously.  
“Jo.” Dean said. “You haven't told him that you still live with your ex, have you?”  
She sighed. “No, but I'm sure he'll take it just fine!”  
“I bring home girls all the time, Jo.” Dean said. “And you know what they do when I tell them that my ex-girlfriend still lives here with me? They get out of bed and run off.”  
“Unlike your one-night hook-ups, my relationship with Ron is mature and he will understand when I tell him.” She wasn't so sure though.  
“Ookay.” Dean said, obviously not convinced. “Good luck with your date.”  
“Thanks, but I won't need it.” Jo smirked, and headed out the door. 

“So.” said Ron, a tall brunette with glasses, as he finished his food. “Do you want to, like, hit a bar now or something?”  
“I was thinking we'd go to a great bar called 'My Place.'” Jo suggested. When Ron looked at her quizzically, she added, “I mean back to my apartment.”  
“Oh! That's what I thought, but I wasn't sure if you just meant a creatively named bar or-”  
“Ron.” Jo cut him off, suddenly serious.  
“What?”  
She let out a sigh. “I do, happen, to live with my ex.”  
Ron gave her a look. “Your ex? Really?”  
“Yeah, but I mean, it's not like a sexy thing, I have three other guys living there too!” Ron started to stand. “No, please!”  
“Jo, I don't think-”  
“No, no, it's okay, Dean's-”

Dean just about fell off the sofa when Jo ran into the apartment yelling at him.  
“Dean, you're gay!”  
“Hey! What?!”  
She rushed up to him quickly. “I told Ron that you and I broke up because you're gay, be gay!”  
Ron walked in before Dean could protest. The three of them stood in silence before Jo spoke.  
“Ron, this is Dean.”  
“Gay Dean?”  
Jo could see him give a slightly annoyed head gesture and hoped that Ron didn't see it, too. Ron just looked at him in disbelief.  
“Yeah.” Dean said. “Really.”  
“Yup, we even call him that sometimes.” Jo laughed nervously and Dean shot her a look of “please no.”  
“Right.” Ron said. “Nice to meet you.”  
“Same to you.” Dean said. “You have... that's a really hot- uh- shirt you're wearing.”  
Jo fake gasped a little too loudly. “Don't flirt with my date!” She said, over-dramatically.  
Dean shook his head and looked back at the television.  
“Okay, yeah.” said Ron. “He's... yeah. I'm gonna use your bathroom, kay?”  
“Bathroom's down that hall. Let's just go to my room after you come back.” Jo said, still nervous. Dean didn't seem to like playing along, and she didn't know how long he would. Ron walked off and Dean eyed Jo angrily.  
“Seriously?” He said.  
“I'm sorry!” It was the only way I could think of to get him to be comfortable with having sex with me in the apartment I share with my ex!”  
“Okay, okay.” He grumbled. “I'll play along, but he's going to find out I'm not really gay sooner or later.”  
Ron waved from the hall and Jo stood up.  
“Let's make it more later than sooner, okay?” She said and then followed Ron down the hall.

It was about eight in the morning when there was a knock at Jo's bedroom door. She climbed out of bed, trying not to stir Ron, and answered the door. It was Dean.  
“Jo, I fucked up.”  
“What? What did you do?”  
As an answer to her question, a very hot blonde walked out of the bathroom and hugged Dean from behind.  
“Seriously?” Jo groaned in a whisper.  
“I couldn't help it, she was flirting with me, and I couldn't say no! I'm weak!”  
“Of course you could help it! You are a grown man and I asked you for one damn thing!”  
Ron exited Jo's room as the blonde moved and went back into Dean's.  
“What's all the noise, guys?”  
“Nothing!” Jo said, “Just go back to bed, I'll be there in a sec!”  
“I won't be there, but I'll want to!” Dean said, too quickly, as Ron nodded and went back into the room.  
“Why did you say that?!”  
“I don't know, it sounded like a gay thing?”  
“Ugh! Seriously, how could you bring her home, you have to get rid of her!”  
“I tried! I told her I still live with my ex, but she didn't care! She won't leave!”  
“Fuck!” Jo groaned and stomped out into the kitchen. Dean followed her.  
“Jo, I'm sorry.” He muttered. “I'll try to get rid of her.”  
“No, I'll get rid of her. She hasn't seen a crazy ex the crazy ex I can be!” Jo growled. Ron entered the kitchen then.  
“Something wrong? I thought you'd come back.”  
“Nothing, I just need to go to the bathroom.” Jo said, and stomped off, leaving Dean alone with Ron.

“You.” Jo said, when she entered the bedroom instead of the bathroom. She plopped down on the bed next to the blonde.  
“Me?” the blonde said.  
“Yes, you.” Jo narrowed her eyes and glared. “You need to get away from Dean, I mean, we're broken up, but not really broken up, you get it?”  
“Yeah, I've been there.”  
“I mean, it's not like I'm going to tell him the last girl he had sex with was me in a wig.”  
“That's okay, wigs are a good way to get things you want done.”  
“Is he really good for you, like, do you feel good being with him?”  
“My last boyfriend was eighty-four years old, and I was, like, so scared he'd die. I was like 'please don't die!'” She paused and looked blankly at Jo. “Does that answer your question?”  
Jo jumped angrily off the bed. “I want you to describe everything you did with Dean last night, in detail!”  
“Okay, well first he s-”  
“Ugh stop!”  
“But you said you wanted to-”  
“I know but it backfired!”

“So...” said Ron. “You don't seem very gay.”  
“I am though, I'm super gay, I love dicks and stuff.”  
“Okay, yeah I got that. So, like, what kind of guys do you like?”  
“Oh, uh...” Dean looked around the kitchen nervously. “I like all kinds. Uh, tall ones. I like muscular dudes. Oh- I-I like Spanish guys!”  
“Spanish guys?”  
“Yeah, and I like, um, electricians, and singers, and guys with beards, but not too much beard you get me?”  
“You don't really have a type narrowed down.”  
“Yeah, I mean, I don't- I just... I'm kinda in a relationship right now I guess-”  
He cut off when the door burst open and Cas walked inside.  
“Another girl tried something on me.” He said, sounding annoyed, but looking like he was going to cry, to Dean, standing in front of him, while Ron stared.  
“Where were you all night?”  
“I was at Hannah's, basically being mauled, she just will not get the hint that I don't feel that way about her! I ran out and spent the night in a park, just walking around. I couldn't say with her after that, it was so uncomfortable.”  
“Shh.” Dean said, feeling sorry for Cas, but also realizing his chance to cover up the shitty acting he'd done all night and this morning. “I was just so worried about you.”  
“I was safe, there was no one there but Toothless Jim, the homeless guy who fries all that fish-”  
“It's okay, Cas, you just need a hug.” Dean interjected.  
Cas looked at him questioningly, but Dean wrapped his arms around him. Luckily, Cas hugged him back.  
“She's very stressful, this is like Meg all over again.”  
“Give me a kiss, Cas.”  
“What?” Cas said, looking more confused than before.  
“Just give me a kiss.” Dean said more urgently, leaning in. Cas moved away at first, but Dean managed to kiss him on the side of the mouth and, when he backed up, Cas smiled back at him, slightly.  
“Thank you though, for trying to make me feel better.”  
“If you need to run away, just come home, don't hang out in parks with homeless guys all night, okay?”  
“Okay.” Cas smiled softly and walked away.  
“That was very sweet.” Said Ron. “You're really pretty nice. I... I'm sorry I misjudged you.”  
“Haha, thanks.” Dean said, maybe blushing a little, Ron couldn't tell.  
Just then, the blonde came out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, pursued by Jo.  
“No, no, no, no!” Jo yelled, but it was too late. The blonde grabbed Dean and landed a heavy kiss on his mouth.  
Dean pushed her away with the most exaggerated look of disgust any of them had ever seen. “You're not a man!” He scoffed, but it was too late.

“I can't believe you lied to me!” Ron said, collecting his things from Jo's room after having stormed out of the kitchen. “You even went so far as to hire an actual gay guy to come in and help you?!”  
“Actual gay guy? What are you talking about?” Jo asked.  
“The guy who kissed Dean? With the black hair and the trenchcoat?”  
“You must mean Cas. He kissed Dean?! He lives here, he's not an actual gay guy- I mean he could be, I never asked him and frankly that would explain a lot-”  
“When will the lies stop!?”  
Ron rushed out the door. Jo chased him, but it was too late to stop him. He was gone.  
“I'm sorry I fucked up your date.” Dean said when she walked back into the kitchen where he was still standing. “I'm an asshole, I always do this.”  
“You aren't an asshole.” She sighed, sliding down the wall and sitting on the floor. “Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.”  
Dean slid down next to her. “I don't think any of our relationships are meant to be as long as we live together.”  
“Maybe you're right. I can't help thinking about how many people's crazy exes we are now though.”  
“Ugh, you're right. Let's not think about it. Deal?”  
“Deal.”

Cas was tempted to hang up his phone when Hannah was on the other line. He didn't though, but he tried to through as much scorn into his “What do you want?” as he could talking to a woman he loved like a sister.  
“I wanted to say I'm sorry.” She said. “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. We just spend so much time together, I thought-”  
“I'm sorry too. I must have lead you to believe things what weren't true. I shouldn't have been so... I don't know, but I'm sorry.”  
“I don't want to put distance between us, Castiel. I want us to go on just being friends, because I care too much about you to go away after this.”  
“Hannah, you are a smart and beautiful woman. I might not be in love with you, but I'm glad I have you around.”  
“I'm still glad I met you. Now that I know how you feel, I won't try to ruin it again.”  
“Then we're settled.”  
“Settled.” Hannah agreed.

The next morning, Jo, Dean, Cas, and Sam stood in the bathroom, waiting for the shower.  
“Look at us.” Dean said. “A bunch of adults waiting in line for a shower like we're kids.”  
“It isn't my fault his majesty takes about three hundred years in the shower.” Jo grumbled.  
Hannah walked in then.  
“What are you doing here? How did you get in?” Cas asked.  
“Crowley let me in, I wanted to see you and say I was sorry in person.”  
“We're over it. We decided that already.” Cas said. “But how did Crowley let you in, we've been waiting for him in there.” He pointed to the shower.  
“He's out in the living room right now.” Hannah said, raising an eyebrow.  
The others got up and looked out. Sure enough, Crowley was sitting on the sofa, watching the television. Cas went over to him in shock and Hannah followed.  
“He's out there.” Said Dean. “But if he's out there, who's-” He cut himself off. “No.”  
“Hey, do you have anymore soap?” The blonde peeked out from behind the shower curtain. “I accidentally broke the bar that was in here and dropped it down the drain.”  
“How do you even do that?” Jo questioned.  
“That was my soap...” Sam muttered.  
“There isn't anymore soap, I'll have to buy some at the store later.” Dean said.  
“Okay.” She chirped. “I'll just use the shampoo!”  
“That's my shampoo, too.” Sam continued to mutter.  
“She doesn't seem to be going anywhere.” Jo said, pointing to the shower.  
“Nope.” Said Dean. “This is it. This is my punishment for messing up your date.”  
“Looks like you're going to have to marry her.” Jo joked.  
Dean shuddered. “There's a problem with that though.”  
“What?” Jo asked.  
Dean paused. “I think I might be gay for Cas.”


End file.
